Let’s say you had a goal, you set out to achieve it and the outcome was dependent on external factors.
You had good intentions, you did your homework and you gave a 100%.
And yet.
Nothing.
In fact, you got worse than nothing because you wasted people’s time and disappointed others who were counting on you.
To top it all off, through the course of events you glimpsed the dark side of people’s characters behind their mask of civility— their petty manipulations and callousness.
Your disillusion, disgust and disappointment hang heavily on your soul, making you want to crawl into bed and just stay there.
There’s no sugarcoating it. It sucks. Situations can be unfair and people can be assholes.
But such is life. There are no guarantees that things will work out even if you mean well and do your best. However, while you can’t control outcomes, you can control how you respond to them.
So, how to move forward? How do you process a seemingly negative experience and come out calmer, stronger, kinder and wiser because of it?
Here are steps that I go through to bounce back when things spectacularly don’t go my way.
#1 Allow yourself to feel bad.
Name every feeling that you have. Write it down in a journal. Notice how it feels in your body. Cry if you need to.
You may be tempted to repress or deny your feelings especially if you’ve been conditioned to believe that having any kind of emotions is a sign of weakness.
However, it’s perfectly healthy to feel horrible! It means you care enough to get angry or sad when you see something wrong.
Acknowledging your emotional response to negative situations keeps you honest to yourself and allows you to address your situation from a place of truth and clarity.
Of course allowing yourself to feel bad is different from being entitled to lash out at other people. The former is healthy, the latter is toxic.
#2 Manage your energy exposure.
When you’re already feeling low, be kind to yourself. Stay out of places that would pile on added stress. Avoid crowds, traffic and people who annoy you. Don’t force yourself to complete tasks or errands that can be postponed for another time.
Get enough rest. Take a nap and get your full 8 hours of sleep at night.
#3 Eat Carbs.
Ramen. Gyoza. Chocolate brownie ice cream cone. This combo has worked well for me recently. You probably have your go-to treats. Eat with relish and feel better.
#4 Get Bodywork and/or Exercise.
Tension usually builds up in the jaw, neck and shoulders and will stay there until it’s released. Get a massage or whatever healing modality you subscribe to. Go for a walk, take a yoga class, punch a bag. Remember to breathe deeply.
Even if all you can do is a ten minute walk around your block, what is important is that you connect with your physical body in a loving way.
#5 Reflect.
Review the chain of events that lead to your current outcome.
What were your initial expectations and assumptions? What did you fail to take into account? Did you have any shortcomings that you could have addressed? Is there anything else that you could have done for a different outcome? What did you learn about yourself and other people? What can you improve so you’ll react less negatively the next time you find yourself in the same boat?
Answering these type of questions can help you see your circumstances more objectively and also manage future situations better.
#6 Manage the fallout.
Check in with all involved and make sure you explain what happened. Apologize and make amends if needed. Take responsibility for tying up any loose ends so that you can move on with no baggage.
#7 Pray and meditate. Surrender all that you’re going through to God.
Remember that there is always a higher reality operating in our lives.
In Isaiah 55:8-9, God proclaims, “for my thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways are not your ways—it is Yahweh who speaks. Yes, the heavens are as high above earth as my ways are above your ways, my thoughts above your thoughts.”
We are completely in the dark on what God’s will is for us and so we judge our life’s circumstances based on our ego’s demands, which is rooted on materialistic values. Getting our way is good. Not getting our way is bad.
There is a shift that happens when we pray and meditate. From our thoughts and feelings, our consciousness rises to a higher spiritual level. Our soul realigns with God’s will and cascades His reassurance to our thoughts and feelings. We can’t explain it but suddenly we have a sense that everything is ok. That we are where we are supposed to be.
Peace. Wisdom. Acceptance. They envelop us and take away any residual anger, disappointment and resentment.
We realize that all that drama has a purpose in God’s plan. We need to trust that He is in charge and just enjoy the ride.
Maybe it takes several sessions of prayer and meditation but eventually, you will notice the shift. Whatever was bothering you suddenly seems inconsequential. God has rebooted you to sanity. You have officially bounced back. Hooray!
The thing is, life throws curveballs with clockwork regularity so you simply must stay aware that things could fall apart when you least expect it. When something spectacularly blows up in your face again, you have an opportunity to practice these 7 steps with greater grace and ease.
P.S. To help you with #4, which is Exercise, I created an online video yoga program called Start With Yoga. Every day, I guide you through a 15 minute video of gentle yoga, breathing exercises and self-massage that you can do in your pajamas before you get out of bed. Sounds good? You can get a free 7 Day Trial, just visit startwithyoga.com to learn more and sign up.
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